


It's Not Your Fault

by Walking_in_Wonderland



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cartinelli - Freeform, F/F, vintage lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 09:16:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3845452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Walking_in_Wonderland/pseuds/Walking_in_Wonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Peggy wakes up from a nightmare Angie does her best to soothe Peggy's tears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Your Fault

**Author's Note:**

> I just really needed a moment where Peggy finally loses her composure because so often we see Peggy always poised and keeping it together, so you all get to read Peggy losing it. I've been meaning to put this up for ages and finally have.
> 
> I was also having weird issues with past and present tense, so I apologize if there are a few errors. It was two in the morning. My brain had stopped working.
> 
> Enjoy!

The room was dark and cool, the night wind drifted in from an open window next to the bed. It danced across the sleeping face of Peggy as she shifted underneath a thick, down coverlet with Angie snoring curled up next to her, one arm thrown over Peggy’s stomach. Peggy, eyes closed and lost in sleep, let out a sigh followed by a muttered stream of incoherent words. Her face twisted into an expression of distress and the words got louder, more urgent. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead as she twitched and jerked in her sleep, her mumbled words sounding more and more distressed. Next to her Angie woke from sleep, yawning and blinking, trying to clear the blur of sleep from her vision. She looked at Peggy and saw the sweat on her forehead and the pain contorting her face. A desperate cry bursts from Peggy and she jerked in her sleep, almost elbowing Angie in the face. Looking worried Angie propped herself up and laid a hand on Peggy’s shoulder. The stream of unrecognizable sounds and the heat radiating from Peggy worried Angie, and she began to try to wake her distressed lover.

“Peggy, Peggy, wake up—Peggy—honey, come on, you’re dreaming,” Angie murmured keeping her voice soft and calm, to avoid startling Peggy. She’d learned her lesson when they’d first moved in together and had received a punch to the eye after leaping on a sleeping Peggy one morning. But this Peggy seemed lost in her dream world, not responding to Angie’s touch or voice, as if she was so far lost in her dream that she couldn't get out. 

“Pegs, you’re dreaming,” she paused waiting for a response, “Peggy, are you okay?” She began to worry as Peggy only tossed and muttered with heightening distress until she sat bolt upright, her eyes wide and sweat drenching her hair and skin.

“No!” Peggy shouted, her chest heaving and her eyes searching the room with a frantic urgency. She leapt out of bed and began walking, but her steps faltered as if she didn’t know where she should be walking to. She paused and looked around, still trying to catch her breath.

“Peggy?”

"Peggy, hey, it's okay. You're okay. It was just a dream. You just had a bad dream," Angie speaks slowly and softly she climbs out of bed, cautious to get too near to the still half asleep Peggy. When Peggy doesn't reply Angie closes the gap between them and wraps her arms around Peggy's shoulders running cool, comforting Ingres over Peggy's flushed skin. At Angie's touch the fear faded from Peggy's face only to be replaced with despair. She squeezed her eyes shut and sank back into the warm body behind her. 

For a few moments the two of them stood in silence; Peggy trying to compose herself and Angie just there as a comforting presence if Peggy needed her, holding Peggy and reminding her through her touch she wasn't alone. With every breathe Peggy tried to calm herself, slow her heartbeat, and steady her shaking hands, but no matter how hard she tried her breath kept coming in uneven gasps and tears streamed down her face unchecked. Angie tried to be patient and let Peggy choose when to speak. She just laid her head on Peggy's shoulder and ran loving fingers through the untidy curls, but when Peggy let out a ragged and heart wrenching sob Angie couldn't hold back any longer.

Her face full of pained sympathy Angie pulled both of them back until they sat of the edge of the bed facing each other. She took both of Peggy's hands and bent down to be able to look up into Peggy's lowered gaze. When she saw Angie watching her Peggy tried to wipe away her tears, but there was no hiding the redness and the tears still coming in waves.

"Hey, hey, look at me. It’s okay, honey. Everything is okay. It was only a bad dream. Look, it's just you and me now. You're okay." the way Angie spoke to her with nothing but kindness in her voice only made Peggy cry harder. 

"I'm sorry. I-I'm so sorry, Angie. I did-didn't mean to wake you," Peggy stuttered through her sobs, attempting to sound more put together than she looked or felt. She clenched her mouth shut and tried to pull her hands away from Angie, but Angie wouldn't let go.

"Don't you go tryin’ to apologize." When she reaches up and cups Peggy's cheek in her hand Peggy loses the minimal amount of control she'd begun to get over her tears and sobs. New, desperate sobs break from Peggy's lips as Angie rubs a gentle thumb across her cheek, wiping at the ever streaming tears. "I'm here, you're okay. I’m right here. Nothing to be afraid of, Pegs." Peggy leaned into Angie's hand and broke down, ugly sobs tore from her chest, while snot and tears mingled as they ran down her face. The sight of the usually so composed and carefully guarded woman now falling apart before her eyes frightened Angie a bit, but she didn't let on and allowed Peggy to release her grief.

"I can't breathe. Oh god, I can't-I can't..." she gasped, grasping at Angie with all her strength with one hand and pressing her other hand against her own chest. The worry in Angie's face increased as she reached up and held Peggy’s face in both hands. After pressing a kiss to Peggy's forehead she pulled Peggy's head down to rest on her shoulder and snaked her arms around the shaking woman. Pulling her close in a strong embrace, Angie began to hum and rock in an attempt to calm her distressed love. Sobs and tears continued to pour out of Peggy as she tangled her fingers into Angie's nightgown, holding on as if both of their lived depended on it. Angie supported Peggy when Peggy could no longer control her body due to the sobs raking through her. She sagged into Angie's arms, in danger of sliding off the bed and down onto the floor. Angie held her and smoothed back the sweat and tear filled hair from her face, brushing Peggy's warm skin with cool fingers.

"It was just a dream, just a dream, honey. It wasn't real. This right now is real, you and me. Breathe honey, everything is okay." Angie murmured a stream of calming phrases just low enough for Peggy to hear them over the sound of her own crying.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry," whispered Peggy over and over. She slid down Angie's arm until her head rested in the crook of Angie's elbow. Still stroking her hair, rocking, and humming, Angie cradled Peggy against her chest looking down at the other woman with heavy concern clouding her eyes. She began to feel desperate as her efforts to calm Peggy didn't work.

"Shhh, listen to me, honey. You're okay. I promise. You’re fine."

"It hurts, everything hurts." Peggy pressed close to Angie and wrapped her arms around herself, digging her nails into her sides until they could have drawn blood; as if everything she loved would begin to unravel if she didn't hold on tight enough. For a heartbeat Angie thought Peggy meant crying was wearing her out until she noticed the way Peggy held onto herself-the way she physically attempted to hold herself together made Angie realize Peggy meant something else, something else was causing her so much pain.

"Well, I'm here now. You don't have to hurt anymore, okay?"

"Angie, oh god," Peggy gasped in a voice clouded by a snot filled nose, "it's all my fault.-I should have..."

"Hush now, whatever it is, it ain't important right now. Just calm down. Nothing’s your fault. It was only a nightmare." She continued speaking soft words trying to bring Peggy out of her nightmare, but Peggy continued to sob into Angie’s nightdress, soaking through the thin satin.

“I can’t,” Peggy moaned, sounding so meek and pathetic Angie had to bite her lip to hold back a sympathetic laugh.

“Oh honey.” She pulled Peggy up until her head rested against Angie’s bare shoulder once more, and began rubbing gentle circles into Peggy’s back.

“I tried, I tried, but I couldn't. It’s my fault, all my fault. I couldn't do it. I couldn't. I should have tried-I couldn't save him…” Peggy wept.

Angie had begun to hum, the soft vibration a comforting sound to Peggy’s ear pressed against Angie’s cool skin, but Angie paused her humming to ask, “You couldn't save who, honey?” A fresh wave of uncontrollable sobs surged from Peggy making her shake and gasp for air.

“Steve. I couldn't save Steve,” was all she managed to choke out before being overtaken by another wave of tears that made her slide down until her head rested in Angie’s lap. The sobs ripped through her body, leaving Peggy weak and distraught. Angie felt a lump begin to form in her throat as she watched Peggy go through such pain. Angie tightened her grip as she let Peggy sob into her lap, her face soaked and red from crying. Angie held her, brushing back her hair, rubbing her back, and brushing at the tears streaming down her face. After blinking back her own tears Angie began to hum, hoping it would help calm Peggy down again. But when the sobbing doesn't stop she’s forced to try something else to help pull Peggy out of her anguish.

“Listen to me right now, Margret Carter,” Angie swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and employed all her acting abilities to make her voice sound firm, “Steve Rodgers’s death wasn't your fault, you hear me? He made the choice to sacrifice himself for the country he loves and everyone in it. Steve Rodgers wouldn't have backed down if there was a chance to do some good in the world or save someone’s life. He would've never put himself first. And do you wanna to know how I know that? Because of how you've talked about him, Pegs. You know the truth. You know you couldn’t’ve stopped him, because he loves this country and all the people in it. He would’a done anything to keep them safe-anything to keep you safe.” Angie kept her voice as stern as she could muster, but kept stroking Peggy’s hair hoping the combined words and soothing touch would chase away the pain causing Peggy to lose herself in her tormented thoughts. As Angie spoke Peggy tried to quiet her sobs to listen. With Angie’s help she moved to rest her head on Angie’s shoulder once more then buried her face in the crook of Angie’s neck, trying to quiet her sobs, but they still escaped in occasional and uneven bursts.

“He might have listened,” she murmured half-heartedly, already beginning to believe Angie’s voice of reason.

“Captain Rodgers did what he thought was best for his country, and it was an honorable thing. He gave his life. How could you take that sacrifice away from him and try and say if you just tried harder you could’ve changed his mind? He was always willing to sacrifice anything and everything for his country. Why would you try and take away that goodness and selflessness by thinking you could’ve changed his mind? I’m not tryin’ to be harsh here, Pegs, but I think you’re taking away from who Steve was by thinking anything you said could have made him change his mind.”

“But…”

“Peggy-honey, look at me right now,” Angie looks down at the face buried in her neck and refuses to continue until Peggy looks up at her, “you've gotta to stop blaming yourself. Steve made his choice. If you’d been in his place would you've listened if Steve was tryin’ to make you change your mind?” Peggy shakes her head and hides her face in Angie’s hair, clutching tighter to her. Angie’s words are firm, but they hit Peggy like a grenade blast. After Angie finished speaking Peggy’s sobs began to quiet.

There is silence. Angie watches Peggy’s face as her expression changes, as Peggy works through the truth of Angie’s words. Occasional hiccups and quiet sobs that Peggy can’t help break through, but when she speaks her voice has almost steadied.

“You’re right. God, Angie, you’re absolutely right. Steve gave everything to this country in the most selfless sacrifice he could make. How could I try to erase that? I just…” she raises her head a bit to look at Angie who smiles and wipes at her tear stained face, “since I first met Steve he was always willing to sacrifice himself to save everyone else. It’s just-” she smiles and laughs as a sob escapes at the same time, “he was reckless, but he was brave and selfless too. You know he jumped on a grenade during boot camp to try to save the rest of the men? All the others ran.

“Yeah, I remember you telling me that.”

“He-he was a good man, Angie. The best.”

“I know, Pegs, I know. Let people remember him like that-as the man who was always willing to give up everything for everyone else. He deserves that legacy.”

Peggy begins to cry again, but these are soft sobs, sobs left over from grief still not forgotten. “He really does. He deserves so much more than what the world could give him. What I could give him. If I…” Peggy was in danger of breaking down again, so Angie tightened her grip and gently pushed Peggy’s head back down against her shoulder.

“Shhhhh, shhhh, it’s okay, honey. He loved you, Peggy. He did, don’t doubt that for a second, and you deserved to be loved. You saw good in him before anyone else. You wanna know what stories I remember most about Steve from the ones you've told me? The ones when you talk about him before he became all big, amazing Captain America, when he’s still that scraggly kid they almost didn't let in. You saw him for the good man he was at the beginning of it all. And that’s important to me-that he was good from the beginning- always good.” Peggy presses closer to Angie, biting her lip to try to hold in the sobs. Angie wipes at occasional stray tears that escape from Peggy’s eyes and rocks with her in her tight embrace. With a loving smile on her face Angie takes the hem of her nightgown and begins dabbing at Peggy’s face, trying to remove any trace of the painful nightmare and aftermath. For the first time since she’d woken Peggy really smiles and allows Angie to dry her tears and smooth back her rumpled hair.

“I’ll always think of Steve Rodgers as a man who was better than almost anyone I've ever known, and that’s because of the way you talk about him, Pegs.”

Peggy sniffles and looks up at Angie, who pauses to smile down at her. “Almost?”

“Personally, I think you give Captain America a run for his money, English.” Peggy snorts and buries her face in Angie’s shoulder once more to hide the blush and smile spreading across her face, Angie pokes her in the side and makes her squirm. She turns her head and Angie gets a glimpse of the bright pink blush spattered across the other woman’s face.

“Angela Martinelli, so help me…” Peggy croaked out, her voice tired out from all the crying.

“What are you gonna do about it?” Wearing an impish smile Angie pokes Peggy in the side again, making her squeal and leap away. Angie grins and pokes her again and again until Peggy is curled up against her attacks giggling and doing her best to defend herself, the occasional sob escaping only to be interrupted by laughter. As Angie goes to forge another attack Peggy surges forward, catches her Angie up in her arms, and presses her lips against her lovers. Angie’s body tense in surprise for only a moment before melting into Peggy as if the two of them were one. The kiss lingered until Peggy pulled away and pressed her forehead against Angie’s, their hands joined and noses brushing together.

She opens her mouth, but closes it again without speaking. They sit in silence until Peggy works up the courage to speak again. “Thank you, Angie. You are-I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You talk too much, English,” Angie turns her head and avoids Peggy’s eyes, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. Serious now Peggy takes Angie by the shoulders.

“I mean it. It’s been so hard,” her voice breaks, and Peggy is forced to stop. It’s her turn to look away. Angie looks back to see pain rip up the soft smile Peggy had been wearing and the threat of tears clear in Peggy’s sad eyes.

“Hey, look at me,” Peggy obeys, “you got me whenever you need me, honey. I’ll always be here.” Peggy smiles down at their joined hands.

“Thank you.” Angie rolls her eyes and pulls Peggy down on the bed next to her so Peggy has her head resting on her chest. They lay in silence holding each other, breathing in sync and slowly drifting back into the serenity of dreamland.

After a few minutes Peggy opens her eyes, her hand trailing up and down Angie’s arm, and speaks in a groggy sleep-filled voice, “I love you, Angie.”

“Go to sleep, honey.” Peggy nods and settles back down. In less than a minute she is snoring softly. Angie watches her and breathes a soft sigh of relief.

“I love you too, Peggy.”


End file.
